Perfect Imperfections

After having an argument with my girlfriend and then my roommate over pretty much the same issue, I guess it's time to change.

Not like I am just noticing it now, because it is kind of how I have been my whole life, but now I am beginning to realize that I need to change this specific characteristic or it is going to cost me friendships and relationships that I never wanted to lose.

I really know that I am called by God to be a pastor not just because pastor is a fitting title for my job description, but because pastor is what makes up the core of who I am. Being a pastor (and a young one at that) has some positive as well as some negative side-effects. One of those "side-effects," and the very issue I am talking about in this blog is the ever present feeling that I must be the one to better people. Scratch that. Not just better people, but actually make them perfect...at least whatever this perfection is in my eyes.

This is my biggest and most pressing flaw.

When at social events, I feel like it is my responsibility, albeit my duty to make everybody have a good time. If someone is not enjoying themselves I take it on my shoulders and allow their attitude to upset and frustrate me. When I put on youth events for my youth group, I work so hard to make the event perfect so that every student has the most incredible time, only to find out a couple of hours later that one or two of the students would rather be at home doing homework. If I don't allow these negative comments to upset me, I just blame it on the student and say its their fault for not knowing how perfect this fun is.

But when striving for perfection I am one-hundred percent guaranteed to fail. When pushing others to be perfect (once again, in my eyes) I set them up for failure. I set myself up for disappointment. I don't know where I get my sense of perfection from, maybe it is because I think too highly of myself. Whatever it is, I need God to work in me and change me.

It is good to strive for perfection in my own doing because these are things that I can control. But, I must know that when striving for perfection I won't reach it. I can get close but I will never be perfectly perfect and that is okay.

In trying to make others fit my "mold of perfection"...that is just ridiculous. Yeah, maybe there are some things that these people can alter for the better, and sometimes these things can be pointed out. But there is a right way to do it and a wrong way, and too often I pick the wrong way.

"God, help me figure out the line between counseling others to be better and pushing others to be what I want them to be. Help me to find right and peaceful ways to handle situations in which I feel people need to change. Help me to put aside any comment or action in each situation in which I need to say or do nothing. Show me balance. Show me patience. Show me kindness. Show me your perfection and I'll work towards that. Thanks. You are great."